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  "God, Jim. You want to talk about betrayal and mistrust? You saw a vision of my death and didn't tell me. Didn't warn me. Just shoved me away and hoped it wouldn't happen. What am I supposed to do with this information?" he shouted, his face flushed, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Did you tell me this to make me feel better? Because it doesn't, Jim. You knew there was a possibility I could die and you didn't say a goddamn word to me." He shook his head in disgust. "How can I ever trust you again?"

  Jim could feel the anger coming off Blair. See the hurt etched in the lines around his eyes and mouth. Hear the racing of his heart. But none of that compared to the sense of loss that now twisted through Jim. "Blair, you don't mean that."

  "Believe me, Jim. I do. But you know what the ironic part is? I've been feeling this way for a while. I just never told you. When you read my dissertation, you accused me then of betraying your trust and friendship because of what I had written. Well, I felt the same damn way about you because you had gone behind my back and read my paper when I asked you not to. But I didn't say it. Then when I helped Alex, you accused me again of betraying your trust and friendship and I'll be honest, I really don't think I did. All I did was try and help her the same way I helped you. I didn't know what she was. How she would affect you. But somehow, I betrayed you...again."

  Jim wanted Blair to stop. Because with each word he spoke, Jim began to see himself through Blair's eyes. And he didn't like the picture that was forming.

  "But the worst was yet to come," Blair plunged on, his voice rising with each word. "We go to Mexico after Alex and you end up falling for her." Blair held up a hand, stopping Jim's argument before he could even open his mouth in protest. "Sorry. It was instinct. You couldn't help yourself. But you know what? It doesn't really make a difference. No matter what you call it, I felt betrayed. But just like all those other times, I didn't say it to you, Jim. I felt it over and over but I never once said it to you. And do you know why? Because how do you take that back? How do convince someone that you really didn't mean that?" He inhaled sharply. "I never said it," he continued, his voice lower, more subdued, "because I didn't want to hurt you. I just wish you had felt the same way about me." Finished, Blair stepped back from Jim. His breath came in short gasps. His hands shook at his sides.

  "Blair, I...." But Jim's words trailed off. What could he say? Blair was right. There was no way to take those words back. Only now did Jim fully understand how his partner must have felt that day in the bullpen. Only now did he see how deeply he had hurt him with those words, those accusations. Accusations he hadn't really believed even then.

  "Just go, Jim. Go back to Cascade. Just get away from me." He turned but Jim grabbed his arm, stopping him before he could take a step away. He wasn't going to let their friendship end like this. Because he knew if he let Blair walk away now, their friendship was over. And he wasn't going to let that happen. Blair tried to twist out of his grasp. "Get your hands off me!"

  Jim tightened his grip, ensuring his hold on his partner. "Blair, I listened to you. I listened to everything you had to say. Now it's your turn to listen to me."

  "Let go of me, Jim!"

  "Just hear me out," Jim pleaded, his voice edged with desperation. "Chief, please. Just hear me out."

  Blair stopped struggling. He looked up at Jim. Anger still darkened his eyes but there was also a sadness there and that sadness tore at him. Jim released him.

  Blair pulled away and glared up at him, rubbing his arm where Jim had held it. "Fine," he relented. "Talk."

  Jim licked his lips. This was it. If he didn't say the right things, Blair would not be coming home again. He took a deep breath and began... "Blair, I should have told you about my dream. Believe me, I regret that mistake every day. But I'm telling you about the dream now because I realize you were right. You said in your dissertation that I base my choices on fear. And I do. But most of my fear revolves around you." He swallowed hard against the sudden lump in his throat. "When I saw you floating in that fountain...that was the worst moment of my life. I've lost other men before, other friends but nothing has ever compared to that day. To that moment. I have never..." He shook his head, trying to find the words to adequately explain those first seconds when he turned on those steps and saw Blair. "It was like someone had taken a knife and cut my heart out of my chest. I couldn't move. Couldn't even breathe. And my first thought was, if Blair is dead, what am I supposed to do? I knew my life would never be the same. That there would always be this huge, gaping hole where you used to be and I hated that, Blair. I hated caring that much about anyone. Because it hurt me. But more than that, it scared me. I didn't ever want to feel that pain again. So I made a decision." This was the hardest part. Something he didn't like to admit even to himself. But he knew it was true. Felt it every time something happened to Blair and he just shrugged it off with a joke. Or worse yet, showed no concern at all. "I decided to take steps to move away from you. To try and make things between us more professional. To not care so damn much. Because I can't stand the thought that that could happen again. That something could happen to you and I might have to experience that kind of pain again. But I was wrong, Blair. Because no matter how far I've tried to move away, you stay the same distance from me. You stay beside me. And I know now that I wouldn't want it any other way."

  Blair stared up at Jim in numb silence, his face pale. But he dropped his gaze as a single tear slipped from his eye and slid down his cheek.

  Jim put a hand on his Guide's shoulder. He could feel the tremors running through Blair's body, knew he was fighting hard to control himself. Jim's throat tightened against his own emotions. And then Jim did something he hadn't done ever in the three years he'd known Blair. He pulled him forward and hugged him. Blair stiffened for a moment before leaning into Jim and accepting the embrace. "I'm sorry, Chief," Jim whispered. He could feel Blair's heart beating heavily against his chest. Could hear his harsh breathing. Knew he was crying. "I never meant for any of this to happen. You're my partner, my best friend, and I need you. You have to believe that." Jim stopped talking. There was nothing more he could say. Blair would either believe him and forgive him. Or... Jim closed his eyes. He could not think about the alternative. His arms tightened around his friend.

  Jim didn't know how long they stood that way. It could have been just a few seconds or several hours. All he did know was that he had never felt so connected to another human being in his life as he did in those moments while he was holding his Guide.

  Finally, Blair pulled out of the embrace. He looked up at Jim, his eyes red-rimmed. "I believe you, Jim," he whispered. "And I trust you."

  Jim let out a shaky breath. Relief washed through him. Everything was going to be all right. They still had a ways to go but the door had been opened. They could move forward from here. Could get past this.

  "Hey, Jim." Blair slanted a glance up at him, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Did I mention the tests I've wanted to perform ever since the Molly Charles case?"

  Jim rolled his eyes. "Sandburg, I am not doing any of your crazy tests."

  Blair turned and started down the beach. Jim walked beside him. "Jim, I'm telling you, man, these tests are important. They're really going to make a difference in the long run. And there's only one that might be...well, a little painful. But you can turn the dial down and--"

  "Painful? Sandburg!"

  Blair laughed and slapped Jim on the back. "I'm just kidding. Jim, you know I'd never perform any tests that might hurt you."

  Jim draped an arm around his partner's shoulders. "I know that, Blair. And you can perform any test you want because I trust you. Completely."

  Naomi turned from the window, wiping away the tears that spilled freely down her cheeks.

  She had wanted to send Jim away when he showed up at the door. Send him back to Cascade before he could cause her son more pain. But she hadn't because deep down, she knew that no matter how badly Blair was hurting, it would hurt him more if he were t
o lose Jim Ellison's friendship.

  She closed her eyes. An image of Blair, wrapped safely within Jim's arms flashed through her mind. She smiled. She still didn't completely understand how or why the man had come to be such a big part of her son's life. But she knew that the friendship they shared was unique and deeply rooted. And she was thankful for it.

  The end.