Sentinel - Progression Series 10 Pilgrimage Part 1 Page 5

  His gaze shifted left to Professor Stoddard. The chancellor sat in a hard plastic chair on the other side of the room, his brow creased in concern. Beside him stood Simon, the captain’s mouth pulled into a deep frown.

  They had all told Blair they were happy he had survived, that they understood how hard this must be for him, that they didn’t blame him at all for the deaths of the three students who had been left in his care. Blair wished he felt the same way.

  They hadn’t asked him what happened...until now. Now he was supposed to give his statement, tell them all in detail how he had come to be on that mountainside.

  “Blair,” Simon said, stepping forward and drawing his attention. “You know I’ll be tape recording this, right?”

  Blair nodded; he’d been present at enough statements to know how the procedure was handled.

  “Are you sure you’re up to this?”

  Another quick nod.

  “Okay, then.” Simon turned on the tape recorder he had set up beside him and pushed two buttons. “This is the statement of Blair Sandburg. Present in the room are Detective Jim Ellison, Dr. Eli Stoddard of Rainier University, and Captain Simon Banks.” Glancing at Blair, he nodded at him to begin.

  Blair’s gaze locked on the small red light on the tape recorder. He could hear the tape as it wound through the device, waiting to document his words, his memories. Taking a deep breath, he began to speak….

  “After Jim dropped me off, we drove a few miles, then Stan suggested we stop for coffee. Andrew told me that his father asked him not to eat or drink in the car, so I told them we could go to a truck stop I knew of nearby, pick up some coffee and bagels, then drive to an area on the pass that I'd been to before. It’s a beautiful area. I thought we could eat and look at the mountains and then head out again.

  “So we went to the truck stop, bought our bagels and coffee, and headed off to the area I was talking about. I noticed a car behind us as we drove but there are so many turnoffs up there, so many scenic areas to stop at along the way, that I just thought they were heading off to do exactly what we were doing. I was wrong,” he finished softly.

  Closing his eyes, Blair saw that moment again in his mind. The four of them exiting the Four-Runner, Andrew still talking excitedly about the possibility of bringing his dad to the station, Stan passing the coffee around, Pete making sure he got the only salted bagel they’d bought. They had all been having a great time...until the beat-up Ford that had been following them at a distance pulled in behind the SUV.

  “There were three of them,” Blair continued, working hard to keep his voice from shaking. “Two of them had guns.” He glanced up at Jim as the hand on his shoulder tightened ever so slightly. “I thought they’d just take the car and our wallets, that’s what they said they wanted...to rob us.” He shook his head, his gaze falling to his lap. “I thought…I thought if we just cooperated, we wouldn’t get hurt. I mean, there’s a big difference between murder and car-jacking, right?”

  “So you got a good look at them?” Simon asked when Blair didn’t immediately continue.

  “Yeah.” Blair clutched at the blanket covering him, his fingers digging into the woven white material. “I can give a good description of all three.” In his mind’s eye, he could see those men again--the brutality in their eyes, the angry set of their mouths. But what stood out in his mind even more were the faces of his three students--the raw panic in their eyes as the men approached them with their weapons drawn, the way they’d all looked to Blair for reassurance and guidance.

  “They trusted me when I told them we’d be all right, when I told them to just do what they were told.” He looked up again, his gaze shifting toward the window of his room, unable to meet the eyes of the men with him now. “I really thought I was doing the right thing.”

  “Those men had guns,” Jim said from beside him, concern lacing his words. “You were doing the only thing you could have done. You know that, don’t you, Chief?”

  Blair continued to stare out the window, wishing he could say what Jim wanted to hear but unable to speak the words. Because deep down, he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if they had tried to overpower the other men or run. If they had just done something differently.

  “They kept saying over and over that they weren’t going to hurt us,” he said at last. “That they were just going to leave us there. I clung to that, hoping they were telling the truth. That they just wanted to rob us.”

  “What happened next?” Simon prompted as Blair once again fell silent.

  “One of the men brought out a roll of duct tape.” Blair shuddered as he spoke the words, remembering the sense of dread that had washed over him at the sight of that gray tape. In that moment, as he watched the man pull a long length of tape off that roll, he knew their situation had just become more precarious.

  “First they bound our hands behind our backs,” he said thickly. “Then they made us kneel while they bound our ankles together. I thought they’d leave then. Just take the Four-Runner and leave. But then they...they….” He gestured toward his face, his gaze dropping again to his lap.

  “They put tape over your eyes and mouth,” Jim finished for him, his voice low, controlled.

  Blair nodded as the memory of that moment returned. As the feeling of total helplessness he’d felt washed through him again. He’d been the first one and as the man who’d bound his hands and feet crouched down in front of him, pulling off yet another section of the gray tape, Blair hadn’t been totally surprised. They’d made it impossible for them to run away and alert the authorities to their crime, so it only made sense they’d want to silence them as well, give themselves as much time as possible to get away. But once the tape was applied to his mouth and the man didn’t stand, instead pulled off another length….

  “Close your eyes, Professor.”

  Blair’s eyes went wide as the words and the meaning behind them twisted through him. The sound of his own heart beat fiercely in his ears and suddenly he was having trouble drawing breath past the tape on his mouth. His gaze darted to the boys kneeling beside him along the lonely stretch of road, his wrists straining against the tape binding his arms behind his back, keeping him helpless.

  What’s going to happen to them? To all of us?

  “Do it!”

  Blair flinched at the man’s angry shout, his hands pulling into tight fists at his back.

  “Do it!” the man shouted again. “Or this one dies.” He put a gun to Andrew’s head. “I heard him call you professor,” he snarled at Blair. “Teach him how to stay alive. Shut your eyes.”

  Shaking, cold fear pumping through his veins, Blair closed his eyes. The tape was pressed firmly, roughly into place. Unable to speak, see, or move, Blair remained still, listening intently as the man moved away…moved on to the students, applying the tape in the same way, leaving them all helpless and totally vulnerable to whatever the men planned to do next.

  “Even after they put that tape on us,” Blair said, unable to keep a small quiver from his voice, “I still thought they’d just leave, that that was the worst thing they’d do to us…until I heard the gunshot.”

  The sharp reverberation of the weapon made Blair’s hands jerk reflexively, pulling hard against the tape binding his wrists behind his back. A second later, he heard the unmistakable sound of a body hitting the pavement.

  Blair broke out in a cold sweat as the sounds seemed to echo in his mind again--that single shot followed by the heavy, dull thud. “I…I knew then that they’d...they’d shot one of the students. And I...I could hear the other guys. They were panicking and I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t do anything!” He looked at Dr. Stoddard, shame washing through him, threatening to consume him. “I’m sorry, Professor.” He closed his eyes, covering them with a shaky hand. “I’m so sorry.”

  Beside him, the bed dipped down slightly and then an arm came around his shoulders. “Blair,” Jim whispered close to his ear, “it’s all right.” The senti
nel pulled his guide close to him, wrapping his other arm securely around him, engulfing him in his embrace. “It’s okay, buddy.”

  Blair leaned into the comforting strength, tried to surrender himself totally to the security of his friend’s embrace. He heard the tape machine being turned off, heard the door to his room open and close, knew that he and Jim were alone….

  /

  Jim held Blair in his arms as he cried for the second time that day. He worked hard to keep his own emotions under control, knowing Blair needed him to be strong. The anger he’d been feeling toward the people who had done this to his partner had only increased as Blair’s story unfolded. Jim had known that there had been no reason for anyone to die for that SUV. But to know that Blair and his students had done everything they’d been asked to do and had still been hurt….

  He tightened his hold on his partner, wishing he could take away the pain and guilt he knew the younger man was feeling. Wishing more than anything that he could go back and change what had happened.

  “Blair,” he whispered after a time. “No one blames you for any of this. We’re just glad you’re all right.”

  Blair shook his head, the movement all but imperceptible against Jim's shoulder. “I’m the one who suggested going to that spot on the pass," he murmured quietly. "I’m the one who told them not to fight. I’m the one who should be dead. Not them.”

  Jim sighed as he shifted to rest his chin against the top of Blair's head. “No one should be dead, Chief," he said quietly. "No one. Not you, not those boys. You didn’t make this happen. Those sick bastards who attacked you made this happen.”

  Blair remained silent, his body trembling against Jim’s every few seconds. The sentinel wasn’t sure if the shuddering movements were caused by the illness still affecting his guide or the memories now haunting him.

  “You know what I keep remembering?" Blair asked after a time, making no move away from Jim. "Those men,” he whispered, the words so soft that the sentinel had to strain to hear him. “They enjoyed it…laughed at everything they did to us. I…I can still hear the sound of them laughing.”

  “I'm sorry,” Jim whispered out, his voice tight in his throat.

  “They put a gun to the back of my head,” Blair added. “I was supposed to be the next one to die.”

  The sentinel closed his eyes at the words, shuddered at the image of his partner, bound and gagged with a gun to the back of his head. Helpless to stop his own execution. Knowing his next breath, the next beat of his heart could be his last. Yet they hadn’t shot him. “What happened next? Can you tell me the rest?”

  Slowly, Blair pulled away from Jim. Exhaling a long, weary breath, he lay back and settled himself against the pillows. Jim shifted as Blair moved, seating himself on the mattress so he was now facing his partner.

  “Do you want to call Simon back in?” Blair asked softly. “Let him start up the recorder again?”

  Jim shook his head. "We can fill him in later."

  The words seemed to relax Blair slightly, and he leaned more heavily into the pillows at his back.

  “I felt the gun against my head,” Blair said, picking up his story again. “Then one of the men started laughing and said, ‘Why waste our bullets? Why not just dump the rest of them over the side here? The fall will kill them.’” He trembled slightly, his gaze darting briefly away from Jim. “Then I was pushed.”

  Jim’s jaw clenched, but he nodded slightly, encouraging Blair to continue.

  “I remember the first few seconds of falling….” Absently, his eyes now taking on a faraway look, Sandburg ran his fingers over the raw skin at his wrist. “But then nothing else for a while. I guess…I guess I must have passed out. When I woke again, it was raining, just pounding down. But I thought...I thought I could hear someone crying very close by.”

  Jim’s brow creased in confusion. “Blair, the only boy who was near you was killed in the initial fall. You couldn’t have heard him crying.”

  Blair was silent for a long moment. Then he huffed out a mirthless breath of laughter and whispered almost inaudibly, “Maybe it was me.” He toyed with the blanket covering him, gripping and regripping the satin-bound edge. “I don’t really remember much else. I woke a few times but it was never for very long. But I could feel the rain and I kept thinking the water would somehow loosen the tape. I thought that if I could just get it off my face, then I could see or call out….” He fell silent again, his hands now visibly shaking.

  “Do you remember the hikers who found you?” Jim asked gently. “Mrs. Keller said you opened your eyes at one point and spoke to her. Do you remember that?”

  Blair shook his head. “No, I don't remember who found me. I just…I just assumed it was you."

  Jim dropped his gaze as he thought of the hours he'd spent in Cascade while Blair lay helpless on that mountain--hours in which he had been warm, safe, secure. He looked up again, hoping his partner couldn't see the guilt he was feeling. "Not this time, buddy. I'm just glad the Kellers were there." He shook his head as he remembered the conversation with the two photographers. "If it hadn't been for that wolf…."

  "Wolf?" Though the word was spoken softly, Blair’s heart rate increased immediately, the sound pounding through Jim. "What wolf?"

  "The hikers heard a wolf crying," Jim explained quietly. "It sounded like it was injured so they tried to find it. That's when they found you."

  "A wolf…." Blair repeated again.

  "It saved your life, buddy."

  "The wolf saved my life…." Blair's words trailed off, his eyes taking on a haunted look.

  Jim frowned. He knew Blair had to be wondering the same thing he had wondered himself since learning about the wolf-was it possible the wolf had actually been Blair’s animal spirit? That it had somehow saved his life? But Jim had expected the kid to embrace the idea, not be upset by it.

  "What is it, Blair? What's wrong?"

  Blair blinked up at him. "I don't know…it's just so strange that a wolf was there… Jim…you don't think...?"

  "That it could have been your spirit guide?" Jim shrugged one shoulder. "I had that thought myself, but I don't have the answer. Do you think it's possible?"

  Blair thought on that for a while, then his features hardened and he waved his hand dismissively. "No, it couldn't have been. If it had been my spirit animal, it would have appeared to you instead of those hikers." Again, Blair blinked up at Jim and the sentinel could see that the uncertainty had returned to his eyes. "Don't you think that's right, Jim? That it would have appeared to you instead?"

  Jim shook his head. Somehow the question seemed important to his partner, and he wished with all his heart that he had the answer Blair was seeking. "I don't know, Chief. I wish I did.”

  "It couldn't have been," Blair said with finality. "It would have come to you, like it did when you fought with Alex and at…at the fountain."

  Jim patted gently at his arm. "You know what I think, Chief? Spirit animal or just a wounded wolf, it doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is, that animal led to your rescue."

  Blair gazed up at him, his eyes studying him intently. There was a sadness that settled into the blue depths at Jim's words…and something more…. Defeat. "Still not ready to take that trip with me, huh, Jim?" Sandburg whispered out. The words held no accusation, only sad surrender.

  Jim's face reddened at the reminder of his unwillingness to give credence to the spiritual aspect of his and Blair's relationship, at his inability to ever bring himself to discuss the vision they had shared at the fountain. It was a failing on his part of which he was more than vaguely aware. But there had never seemed to be a good time to bring the subject up…. "More willing now than I was then, Chief," he answered after a few seconds, realizing as he said the words that he truly meant them, "but sometimes…well, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

  "And a wolf is just a wolf." Blair closed his eyes. "You're right."

  Jim stiffened at the words, his heart aching at the resignation
he heard beneath them. It was as though the words reflected an inner death that Blair had suffered but had never expressed until this moment. “I’m sorry," he apologized almost desperately. "I wish I had the answer…."

  His guide shook his head against the pillows. "No, it's okay." He opened his eyes and gave Jim a sad smile. "Like you said, the important thing is that the hikers came along at all."

  Reaching up, Jim touched lightly at Sandburg's cheek, wishing he could erase the lines of sadness and loss that marred his guide's face. "I'm sorry, Blair. I'm sorry you had to go through this. And I’m sorry for not knowing you were hurt, that you needed help.”

  Blair gave him a sad, accepting smile. “It's not your fault, man. After all, how could you have known?”

  Part Five

  Blair stared out the windshield as Jim steered the truck out of the hospital parking lot and merged smoothly into the early afternoon traffic. He knew the sentinel was monitoring him, listening to his heart rate, watching him carefully out of the corner of his eye.