Inevitable Series 05 The Undeniable Read online

  Had he slept at all?

  Simon walked to him and placed the backpack on the floor by his feet.

  Blair looked up, startled. “Hey Simon.” His gaze took in the bag. “Thanks, man.”

  “How’s Jim doing?”

  Blair stood and straightened the blankets around the sentinel. “The same. The doctor hasn’t been in yet today but one of the nurses told me that they think he could wake up as early as tomorrow. That would be good,” he finished softly. His tired gaze shifted back to Simon. “Did you find Reese yet?”

  “No, but every cop on the force is looking. Don’t worry. We’ll find him.”

  “He’s just a scared kid, Simon. He didn’t...” His words trailed off. He shook his head, his gaze returning to Jim. “I was going to say he didn’t mean to do this. Like I know what I’m talking about.”

  Simon let the comment go. Jim would talk some sense into the kid once he woke. “Did you sleep at all?” he asked, effectively changing the subject.

  Blair shrugged one shoulder. “A little. You know how it is.”

  “You have to sleep, Sandburg. You’re not going to do Jim any good if you collapse from exhaustion.”

  “I’m fine, Simon.”

  “Sure you are.” He placed a hand on Blair’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “Why don’t you go home for a while. I’ll stay--”

  “No. I want to be here when he wakes up.”

  “You just told me that won’t be until tomorrow. Take a few hours--”

  “No, Simon. I’m staying here. They’re guessing about when he’ll wake up. And with Jim’s senses, it’s hard--”

  “Okay, okay.” Simon held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. He’d had this same conversation with Jim too many times. He knew it was a battle he would not win. “I brought you a clean shirt. It’s in your backpack. Go to the men’s room, get cleaned up and put it on. That’s not a request,” he said, sensing Blair’s imminent protest. “That’s an order.”

  Blair splashed his face will cold water in an attempt to revitalize himself but without much success. After waking last night, he had not gone back to sleep. Had been too afraid of where his sleeping mind might take him. It makes no sense. The beginning of the dream had been just as he had remembered it actually happening. His feelings. His fears. Even the temperature of the water felt the same. But once the darkness came....none of that was familiar. He didn’t remember the light. Or the man.

  “Hello, my son.”

  He gripped the sides of the sink as the three words played through his mind. It was just a dream. It means nothing. But as he stared at his reflection in the mirror, he knew he didn’t really believe it. Could see it in his own eyes. The doubt. The fear.

  “That part is not a memory,” he told himself. “It’s just a dream....a nightmare.”

  He needed to get back to Jim. Once Jim woke up, everything would be fine. The nightmares would go away. His uncertainty would leave him. And everything would be the way it was before all this happened.

  His gaze shifted down to the shirt he wore. Red specks covered the front of it. Jim’s blood. He hadn’t noticed it before. Now he felt each one where it stiffened the material. Every tiny spot a testimony to his failure. Peeling off the shirt, he balled it up and stuffed it into the garbage can. As he pulled on the clean shirt Simon had brought with him, his mind turned once more to his dream. To Incacha.

  “You made that choice already.”

  Blair closed his eyes against the words. What choice did I make? Why had Incacha taken him back to that fountain? To that moment in his life? Back to a time and place when he thought Jim no longer wanted or needed him?

  Can I still change my mind?

  He tucked the shirt into the top of his jeans and turned away from his reflection. Away from the questions that seemed to be pressing in on him, making it hard to breathe.

  Pushing through the bathroom door, he made his way back to his partner’s hospital room. But as he stepped inside, he was surprised to see his mother standing over Jim’s prone form.

  “Mom?” he said, crossing to her.

  She turned at the sound of his voice. “Oh, Blair.” She swept toward him and engulfed him in a hug.

  He clung to her, glad for her presence. “What happened to Simon?” he asked as he pulled back from her.

  “He said he had to get back to the station. I think he just wanted to give us some time alone.” She ran a hand through his hair, brushing it back from his face. “I would have been here sooner but I couldn’t find you. I tried the loft, the university. I finally thought to call the station and they told me. Are you okay, sweetie?”

  He dropped his gaze from hers, knowing how tired his eyes looked. “Just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” He nodded toward Jim. “How did you find out?”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t know about Jim until I got here. Is he going to be okay?”

  “Yeah. They think he’ll wake up soon.”

  “I’m glad,” she said softly.

  He turned to her, his brow furrowing. “If you didn’t know, then why did you come?”

  “We need to talk, baby.” She moved to one of the chairs flanking the bed and sat down. Blair hesitated only a moment before following her lead. She reached out and grabbed his hands in hers. “Blair, I know what Jim is. I’ve known ever since my last visit. Ever since your accident at that fountain.”

  Blair stared into her eyes, unsure what to say. How much to reveal. Could she really know? “Mom, I don’t--”

  “I know, Blair.” Her hands tightened around his. “The bond you two share, I knew it was more than just friendship. More than brothers. I’ve read everything you’ve ever published. Saved copies. I went back through them after I left you and I read the one you wrote on sentinels.” Her gaze shifted to Jim. “That’s what he is, isn’t he?”

  “Yes,” he admitted, once again cursing that first paper he had written and published about sentinels.

  “But there’s more...with you. I know there must be because...” Her voice trailed off. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We’ve never really talked about your father,” she began again, her voice soft. “But I think it’s time we did.”

  Blair blinked several times, taken aback by her words. “What are you talking about? I’m sitting in the hospital hoping Jim’s going to be okay and you want to suddenly tell me about my father?”

  “It’s time, Blair. I can’t really explain it but I am supposed to tell you this. Now.”

  He opened his mouth to object again but something inside him, a feeling, an instinct. He wasn’t quite sure what but something stopped him. Something told him she was right. “Go on.”

  Naomi stood and crossed to the window, her arms held tightly across her chest. “I met your father at a peace rally. He told me that I had an old soul.” She smiled lightly at the memory. “I’m sure he was my age but he seemed so much more mature. Wise beyond his years.” She turned and her eyes locked with Blair’s. He saw something in that gaze that he’d never seen before. Regret? Remorse? Before he could decide, she dropped her gaze to the floor. “We...slept together that night. I’d never done that before. For all my free living, I’d never met anyone and done that right way. But with him, it just felt so right. He was so right.” She touched trembling fingers to her lips. “When we were...finished, he told me I was pregnant. I didn’t believe him. I just...I thought he was being dramatic. But...” Her words trailed off.

  Blair stood and crossed to her. “But you were pregnant,” he finished for her.

  “Yes.” She reached out and ran a hand across his cheek. “When you were born and I looked into your beautiful blue eyes...” She smiled, a sad, wistful smile. “Daniel’s eyes had a wisdom that went beyond his years. A gentleness that went deep into his soul. Everything that was Daniel I saw in your eyes - that same wisdom, that same gentleness. I still see it now.” She cupped his cheek in her hand. “He was beautiful, Blair. I’d always heard people describe men t
hat way but I never met one like that until I met Daniel. You have that too.”

  He closed his eyes, dropping his head forward. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

  “I can’t really explain it but I just knew that I wasn’t...supposed to.” Reaching out, she ran a hand gently through his hair. “Daniel said that our son had a destiny to fulfill. A function only he could perform. Now with what I know about Jim, about you...I feel like he was right.” She crossed to her bag and reaching inside, pulled out a worn envelope. “Daniel gave me this that day. Said I’d know when it was time to give it to our son.” Her fingers traced over the tattered sides. “I wanted to open it a hundred times over the years but something inside me told me it wasn’t my place.” She held it out to him. “It’s yours now, Blair.”

  He stared at the envelope. Could see the block lettering on the front of it: For Our Son. Reaching out with shaking hands, he took the offering. “I had a dream last night, Mom. There was a man in it. He called me son.” He looked at her. Could see the unshed tears in her eyes. “What do you think it means?”

  “I don’t know, baby.” She wiped at her cheek as a single tear slid from her eye. “I had a dream about Daniel. He told me it was time to talk to you. Time to give you his letter. But it didn’t feel like a dream. It felt real. Like Daniel had really come to me. Maybe he’s coming to you the same way. To talk to you.”

  “I don’t know if I want to talk to him,” he admitted softly.

  “Hello, my son.”

  Blair jerked to his feet. His gaze swept the room. Panic pumped through him. But as the familiar images of Jim’s hospital room came into view, he let out the breath he was holding.

  “Dammit.” He fell into his chair, frustration winding through him. This was the third time tonight he’d had the nightmare. The third time he’d been visited by his father.

  Father.

  The word felt wrong to him, foreign.

  He had once told Jim that there had been a lot of candidates to consider for the job of his father. But in reality, there had been none. Those men had simply been acquaintances of his mother, men she had dated or told him stories about. But never once had she seriously talked to him about his father. But what bothered him even more was that fact that he hadn’t pushed the issue. He’d never asked.

  “I should have,” he whispered. “I should have asked but I knew...” His words trailed off as a chill passed through him. Because he had been about to say he knew not to. What does it mean?

  He glanced at his backpack. He’d stuffed the envelope his mother had given to him inside as soon as she’d left. Naomi had offered to stay, not wanting to leave Blair alone with this news. But he had convinced her that he was fine. That Jim would wake up tomorrow and they would work all this out. Told her that he needed the time alone to think. Truth was he didn’t want her to stay. Didn’t trust himself around her right now.

  “How could she not tell me?” The question churned his stomach and pressed against his heart. But somewhere deep inside himself, in that same place that told him not to ask about his father, he understood why his mother had never said anything. She wasn’t supposed to. It was an unexplainable feeling. An instinct. Yet that understanding did not erase the feeling of betrayal that had settled over him like a heavy cloak, threatening to smother him under its weight.

  “Daniel said that our son had a destiny he had to fulfill. A function only he could perform.”

  He closed his eyes as his mother’s words played through his mind. What am I? The question stung him. Frightened him. Because he no longer felt in control of his life.

  Had Daniel been talking about Blair’s role as Guide? Shaman? Or was it something else entirely? And did it have anything to do with the choice Incacha had talked about?

  The answers could all be in that letter. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to open it. Wasn’t sure he wanted to know what it said. Didn’t even want to touch it again.

  He turned back toward his partner, staring at his still form. “Please wake up,” he said softly. “I need--” His mouth clamped shut as he realized what he was about to stay. I need you. Jim was lying unconscious in a hospital bed and he wanted him to wake up so he could help him. You’re a real piece of work, Sandburg. Yes, he wanted his friend to wake because he wanted to be sure that he was really okay. But more than that, he wanted to talk to him about what Naomi had told him. Wanted to know what it all meant for him. For them.

  Exhaustion pulled at his mind. But he didn’t want to sleep. With sleep came the dream. His father. He stood and moving to Jim’s bed, sat down on the edge. He stared at Jim’s peaceful expression. “What am I, Jim? Is this where I’m meant to be?” Reaching out, he rested his hand on Jim’s, liking the feel of his warm skin. He belonged with Jim. He knew that deep in his soul. But did that matter anymore?

  “Still awake?”

  Blair turned toward Ruthie as she came into the room. “Can’t sleep,” he said, pushing up from the bed and returning to his chair.

  She crossed to Jim and began fussing with the IV lines around his bed. “More nightmares?” she asked as she worked.

  “Same one actually.” He ran a hand over his face, through his hair.

  “Well, you have to sleep. I know you haven’t. Every time I come in here, you’re awake.” She shook her head, her lips pulled down with concern. “I’m going to talk to the doctor about getting a mild sedative for you.”

  Blair held up his hands. “I’m not big on prescription drugs.”

  “You listen to me, Blair Sandburg. You need to sleep and if you’re having nightmares then a sedative will help. You’ll sleep and you won’t dream.” She moved to him and hands planted firmly on her hands, glared down at him. “Use them for one night, two at the most just to get you over the hump. Okay?”

  Blair nodded, smiling despite his current predicament. “Okay. To be honest, right now I’d do just about anything to get some sleep.”

  The first sound that greeted him was the familiar beating of his Guide’s heart. Jim blinked slowly, the room coming into focus around him. I’m in the hospital. He tracked back through his mind, trying to remember how he had gotten here. What had caused the pain he felt in his shoulder. Reese. The name floated to the front of his mind. With it came the memories. He and Blair in an alley, trying to talk their way out of the mess they’d found themselves in and then the gun--

  Blair!

  His gaze shot sideways. He could see Blair standing at the window, arms crossed over his chest, staring out at the bright daylight. But Jim didn’t think he was seeing whatever was beyond that window. His gaze held a dark intensity Jim didn’t recognize.

  Something’s wrong.

  Jim could feel it deep in his gut. Something had happened to Blair. Something that had nothing to do with him and the fact that he was laying in a hospital bed. He opened his mouth, intending to ask exactly what was going on. But in the end, all he managed to do was make a strange croaking sound that should have been words but wasn’t.

  Blair turned sharply at the noise. “You’re awake.” He crossed to Jim, his eyes lighting up with genuine relief. “Oh man, you had me so worried.”

  “Sorry,” Jim rasped out, his throat dry from too many days without use. His brow creased as he took in more details of his partner. Dark circles stood out under his eyes. His hair had been pulled back into a hasty ponytail. He looked pale, gaunt. “You...okay?”

  Blair’s smile increased. “I think I’m supposed to ask you that.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “You thirsty?” he asked, already pouring some water from the plastic pitcher on the table beside the bed into a cup. “Your voice sounds a little rough.” Then placing a hand on the back of Jim’s head, he lifted him slightly so he could take a sip.

  Jim closed his eyes as the cool water slid down his throat. “Thanks.”

  “Hey, man, anything you want.”

  “You say that now.” Jim touched the bandage on his left side. His shoulder throbbed with dull pain.
“How long have I been in here?”

  “Two days,” Blair said. “Two very long days.” His gaze met Jim’s for a second before shifting away.

  Something’s wrong.

  The words repeated in his mind. He knew Blair had been worried about him but it was more than that. Something was eating away at Blair. Jim could feel it. See it in Blair’s eyes. “What’s going on, Chief?”

  Blair tucked a stray piece of hair behind his ear, his hands shaking slightly. “Reese hasn’t been caught yet. Simon’s got an APB out on him but so far, he hasn’t turned up.”

  “That’s great but I wasn’t asking about Reese. What’s going on with you?” He shifted where he lay, trying to sit up. Pain rocketed through his shoulder. He winced, falling back on the mattress. “Damn,” he ground out.

  Blair snatched up the call button. “Hold on, Jim. I’ll get your doctor in here.”

  “No. I’m okay,” he managed but couldn’t raise his arm to stop his Guide. The ache in his shoulder kept him immobile. He squeezed his eyes shut as the room began a slow spin. He could hear Blair talking to him but his voice sounded far away, as if he were at the other end of a long tunnel.

  When he was finally able to open his eyes again, Blair was gone. The doctor leaned over him, asking him how he was feeling. Jim wanted to tell him to go away. To send Blair back in. Because something was wrong with his Guide and he needed to find out what. Instead, he found himself answering the inane questions being asked and hoping Blair was still near. Safe.

  Simon turned the corner of the hospital corridor and was surprised to see Blair standing outside Jim’s room, leaning against the wall, his gaze locked unseeing on the floor. He picked up his pace, worry twisting through him. “Sandburg?” he said, as soon as he was near him. “What’s going on? Why are you out here? Is something wrong? Did something--”

  “Everything’s fine, Simon,” Blair cut in, his voice overriding the captain’s. “Jim woke up. The doctors are with him now and they asked me to wait out here.”